Recently (July 25, 2020) Kathy and I celebrated our thirty-ninth wedding anniversary. We’ve had our good days and our bad days, but overall, it’s been good. I’m not the smartest man alive, but I do have a few words of wisdom about marriage for anyone who’s willing to listen.
Rule number one is: be honest and truthful. Don’t lie to your spouse. If you can’t trust each other, your relationship will never have a strong foundation. Trust is everything. If you have trust issues in your relationship, you need to figure out how to build it into your relationship.
In my opinion, if you are not a strong Christian, if your love for God is not strong, it will be hard to build trust. Honesty comes from within. It’s a character trait. The best way to develop a good, honest character is to have a strong, loving relationship with God.
Rule number two is: never entertain thoughts of divorce. Some of you come from broken families. Your parents didn’t have a strong marriage, and you know the pain, confusion, and complications that a failed marriage brings. Unfortunately, because your parents gave you an example of a broken marriage, you may think divorce is a solution when things get tough. Let me suggest that you take divorce off the table.
I believe with all my heart, that if you stick with it, if you persevere, if you don’t give up, eventually, things will get better. It may take a long time, but in my experience, it’s worth the wait. The alternative of a broken marriage equals a broken family and an increase of hardship. Divorce only trades one bad situation for a worse situation. The best solution is to do your best to love your spouse and trust God that in time, your spouse will love you. Get close to God. Be involved in a good church where you can find the support of a loving Christian fellowship. Believe that things will get better.
The third rule of a happy marriage is to do your best to be the best. Your relationship will never work if you don’t work hard to love your partner. You don’t cook, clean the house, raise the kids, and go to work every day to earn money for the family because your spouse deserves it. You do your part because that’s what love does. You don’t do all the things it takes to make a family work because your spouse appreciates it. You do it because that’s what love does. You don’t bust your butt working hard for your family because your spouse is doing his or her part. There’s a very good chance that he or she is not pulling their weight. But you do your part because that’s what love does. You get stuck with washing the dishes. You have to wash the clothes, do the grocery shopping, cook the meals, take care of the kids, and you have to go to work every day and work eight hours a day to help provide financially. My advice? Try your best not to complain. Try your best to not get a martyr’s complex and start feeling sorry for yourself. Try your best to love and respect your spouse even if he or she is not helping.
Having this kind of selfless attitude doesn’t come naturally. You will need the supernatural power of God to give you his love so that you can be a loving servant. The Bible says, “We love because God first loved us.” God loves you, and he will give you the strength to love your family.
Every marriage has one partner who will end up doing most of the work. If you’re that person, don’t compare yourself to them. Just do what you have to do. If you’re the one who is a bit lazy and you don’t think you should be helping with the household chores, wake up. Show your love to your family by working hard to do your part to make the marriage a success.
Finally, be grateful. If you believe that God is actively working in your life, then you need to trust that in God’s sovereign wisdom, he has brought you and your marriage partner together.
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